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March Madness: Preview of Sweet 16

Duke ruined your bracket anyway.

Kansas vs. Purdue

Purdue and Kansas are both ranked top 10 in the country in shooting percentage and worst states to go to college in.

Oregon vs. Michigan

As the hottest team in the tournament, Michigan needs to be careful not to set fire to another plane.

Butler vs. UNC

In this David vs. Goliath matchup, Butler needs to make sure it scores efficiently, plays tough defense, and has its bench sling-shot small rocks at Kennedy Meeks. 

Kentucky vs. UCLA

In a game that is set to feature the country’s top freshman, the court will be filled with no fewer than 10 combined NCAA recruiting violations.

Gonzaga vs. West Virginia

After dominating the West Coast Conference, which featured the University of San Francisco, Santa Clara University, Bracksburg Community College, and St. Alban’s Middle School, Gonzaga will finally face an actual basketball team.

Xavier vs. Arizona

Look for Sean Miller to make the necessary halftime adjustments, such as switching into the occasional zone defense, playing with a bigger lineup, and changing his shirt every tv timeout.  

Florida vs. Wisconsin

In what will feature two strong defensive teams, it is unlikely anyone gives a shit about this game.

Baylor vs. South Carolina

Baylor is playing with house money here. Win or lose, they aren’t the football team.

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