NEW YORK, NY -- The stock market plunged last week after it was announced that American consumers would go ahead with daylight savings. Market observers had expected the government to announce a halt to the annual Daylight Savings Program (DSP) in order to stimulate the economy amidst fears that the U.S. would slip into another recession. The disappointing news triggered a huge stock sell-off as investors scrambled to get out of the market and arrest their losses.

Explains Goldman Sachs research analyst Sarah Schmitt, "It is widely understood that savings always come in place of spending, and that spending is what the economy needs now to recover. With the unemployment rate at such a high level, and consumer sentiment at an all-time low, it is shocking that the government chooses to ignore basic economic rules by encouraging even more savings through the DSP."

Investors are pulling their money out of American markets and shifting their focus to markets that are not affected by daylight savings. Africa and Southeast Asia, in particular, have seen massive inflows of capital as local populations continue to enjoy an extra hour of daylight instead of being plunged into darkness at 4pm.

In a bid to calm the markets, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner released a statement outlining the government's position on daylight savings. "The Treasury is confident that the U.S. economy is still strong, and that such drastic measures as the cancellation of the DSP would only lead to more instability. The onus is on the American consumer to spend as much as possible to get the economy back on track."

Several firms were hit particularly badly in the latest plunge. Luxottica, the Italian company that produces Ray-Ban sunglasses, saw its stock price fall 20 percent as investors dumped stocks in companies whose fortunes depend on the consumption of daylight. Energizer Holdings, whose Playtex division produces bikinis and the Banana Boat line of sunscreen products, also saw a dip in stock price.

The panic has extended beyond stocks, as non-publicly listed businesses are feeling the heat as well. Diners throughout the country are reporting that customers are substituting their sunny-side ups with scrambled eggs. Even musicians have not been spared. Irish rock band U2 said that sales of their single "Beautiful Day" have fallen for several consecutive days, and the band is considering the option of playing at office parties to boost income.