and entering


New Gay Icon Just Bowling Ball in Wig

A pink bowling ball wearing a blonde wig

BRUNSWICK BOWLING LANES, LOWELL MA — Still hot off the disappointment of Lady Gaga’s Joanne and desperate for any object to look up to, gay millennials across the nation have started a fandom that worships a size 8 pink bowling ball in a blonde wig as their new icon.

Anti-Semitism Ends As Everyone Realizes Paul Rudd Is Jewish

Paul Rudd

The Pew Research Center reported on Monday that anti-Semitism is on a steep decline because Americans are realizing that Paul Rudd is Jewish.

Pew’s findings show that anti-Semitism experienced an uptick in 2016, when Donald Trump's campaign revved up anti-Jewish prejudice. But anti-Semitism has been dropping dramatically ever since as people remember that vaguely unobjectionable Hollywood A-lister Paul Rudd is a member of the tribe.

Leaked: GOP Demands for the Tax Bill

The Republican Tax Plan just passed the House. What does the Senate GOP want in order to pass the bill? Satire V has obtained a list of some of the demands:

Scientists Pinpoint Exact Moment When Katy Perry Turned Cringe

JEFFERSON LABS, VA—Using recently-developed technology, scientists have finally determined that musician Katy Perry crossed the line from pop princess to super cringe on October 14, 2015.

According to the project’s chief scientist, George L. Xavier, the study was an outgrowth of widespread confusion about when exactly Perry became cringe. “What we found was that everyone agreed ‘Swish Swish,’ ‘Bon Appetit,’ and ‘The Smurfs 2’ made them uncomfortable,” he said. “The more difficult issue was deciding the earliest date when Katy did something kinda off.”

Retrospective: A Timeline of the Year Since Trump's Election

November 8, 2016 (Election)—WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK?

November 9, 2016 (The morning after)—FUCK. Deep breaths. FUCK. Breathe in. FUCK. Breathe out. FUCK.

November 10, 2016 (Clinton spotted in woods)—Come the fuck back.

January 11, 2017 (Obama gives his farewell address)—FUCKING STAY.

January 20, 2017 (Inauguration)—FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

January 21, 2017 (Spicer lies about crowd size)—Okay we have the fucking picture right in front of us.

Satire V38: Nerds and Numbers Agree, Joe Flacco Leads NFL MVP Race Due to Historically High DANVRYGAR/G+

I'm Not Like Those Other Republicans. I'm a Moderate.

Hey there, voter.

I heard you’re looking for a Republican lawmaker who’s socially and economically conservative, but not in an off-putting way. Well, look no further than me, because I’m not like those other Republicans. I’m a moderate.

Apple Debuts iPhone XXX, Revolutionizes Sex Toy Industry

CUPERTINO, CA - Earlier today, Tim Cook shocked Apple aficionados and Geniuses alike by unveiling Apple's most revolutionary product to date, the iPhone XXX. The iPhone X, it seems, was merely a warm up act for one of the "greatest innovations of our time."

"We've disrupted every industry you can think of. Music, TV, news, telecom; the list goes on," Cook said. "It was about time we broke through to the one industry that accounts for over 20% of the time people actually spend on our devices, porn."

Gnome Chomsky Criticizes U.S. Hedgemony

WALTHAM, MA — In a conference for Boston-area academics last night, leading intellectual Gnome Chomsky issued a statement criticizing U.S. hedgemony.

Looking At Porn is Absolutely The Worst Thing I've Ever Done

Porn Star Ted Cruz
By Ted Cruz
My fellow Americans, I'll admit it: I made a mistake. I entrusted a member of my staff– I won't say whose, I mean which, member– with my Twitter account, and that person liked a tweet that contained porn. Now I'm going to apologize for this, which is definitely the worst thing I have ever done in my political career.