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VES

Area VES Student’s Final Project Is Literally a Jar of Mayonnaise

mayo
CAMBRIDGE, MA – This past month, VES concentrator Lucy D. Cho ’19 turned in a mayonnaise sculpture as her final project for VES 132R that was deemed absolutely meaningless by every single person who viewed it.

Cho conceived of her magnum opus in a local deli. She explained, “When you say, ‘Yes, I would like mayonnaise on that Black Forest ham footlong’ enough times, you really start to grasp the transgressive possibilities of this gelatinous medium."

New VES Course Actually Just Porn

CAMBRIDGE—A new course introduced this semester from the Visual and Environmental Studies Department is reportedly raising some eyebrows, as well as other unnamed body parts. 

VES 169, “Penetrating the Intersection of Bodily and Visual Media,” aroused major interest during shopping week. The class was completely full on Friday, and has the longest waitlist around, according to sources.

VES Department to Hold Week-Long Shrek Marathon

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Next week, faculty and students in the VES department are planning on holding a week-long marathon of the 2001 feature film Shrek, citing the film’s high quality and superiority over every other film of every genre ever made. The move comes as a delightful surprise to those who have seen the movie once before, and especially to those who have already seen it ten times.
 

Intense Creative Differences Arise During Housing Day Video Filming

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- Over the past few days, the 2016 Lowell Housing Day video filming has turned sour.

“I signed up to be in the video because I thought it would build house spirit,” a tearful Amanda Burnes ‘18 reported. “But the director is horrible. He made us do, like, sixty different takes of me opening the door.”

Sophomore Sets Record for Number of VES Classes He Has Been Rejected From

Cambridge, MA--- Still in the midst of shopping week, Harvard sophomore Tom Stepps has been rejected from three hundred and fifty seven classes in the VES department. “I thought if I applied to a bunch of them and had a decade of hands-on experience and interest in the visual arts, I could get in,” explained Stepps, “but clearly I should have thought more carefully in the interview about which films have inspired me most.”

The Department of Visual and Environmental Studies and Satire V Present: Spring 2013 Courses

Of the following courses, some have been offered by the VES department; others are the invention of Satire V. Think you can spot the difference? Answers at the end.