SatireV

Breaking

and entering

vote

Democrats Unveil Ambitious Plan Not to Get Completely Crushed During Midterms, Please

Tom Perez and Nancy Pelosi

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an ambitious move that many respected political analysts are calling “unlikely to work” and “kind of embarrassing,” the Democratic National Committee has unveiled a bold proposal to somehow possibly maybe win a little bit in the upcoming 2018 midterm elections. 

DNC Chairman Tom Perez told reporters that the Democratic Party is hoping “for some kind of victory, really, anything, we’ll take anything.” He then collapsed onto the floor in a puddle of tears, a move that was pretty uncomfortable to witness from a 57-year old adult in a position of power.

Third Party Debate Ends in Debate Over Where to Hold After-Party

CHICAGO, IL—Less than forty minutes after beginning, the recent Third Party Debate closed in ignominious fashion, as the four onstage candidates and moderator Larry King argued about where to hold the annual “Third Party After-Party” in the Windy City.