SatireV

Breaking

and entering

voting

Only a Fortnite Until We Pokémon Go to the Polls!!

Pokemon balls

It’s that time of year again, when all the elementary schools are filled with bake sales and the gym is taken over by democracy, and when good ol’ Hil reminds you all to fulfill your Constitutional duty. But a lot has changed since November of two years ago, so I’ve updated my jokes to tell you all: in only a Fortnite it’s time to Pokemon Go to the Polls!

Tammy Duckworth’s Newborn to Caucus with Republicans

Tammy Duckworth and baby

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After the Senate voted unanimously to allow Senator Tammy Duckworth to bring her newborn, Maile Pearl Bowlsbey, onto the Senate floor, the newborn child surprised onlookers by voting Republican.

Chuck Schumer, the Minority Leader, reportedly pleaded with the child, promising her all the baby formula she could want and a brand new blanket to swaddle in. Mitch McConnell, the Majority Leader, countered with an offer of a separate room from her sister and a tax cut which will take effect after her college graduation.