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Complete Barbarian Promises to Download Venmo “Soon”

CAMBRIDGE, MA - After having no means of paying for dinner with his linking group at Border Cafe last Tuesday, local Cro-Magnon Gerard Green '20 reportedly said that he would download Venmo in the very near future.

The uncultured student had apparently never heard of the peer-to-peer mobile payment service that allowed for the exchange of over $17 billion in 2016. "You poor thing. How can you live like this?" questioned blockmate Sarah Chao '20, upon learning that Green was living completely unaware of this modern amenity that nearly everyone else on campus had downloaded.