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"You Know, the Irish Faced Discrimination" Proclaims Irish-American Who Has Never Faced Discrimination

BOSTON, MA – In the middle of a discussion about racism in America, local accountant and Irish-American Francis O'Connell, who has never experienced any discrimination of any kind, added that, "You know, the Irish were discriminated against, too."

After dropping this truth bomb, O'Connell looked around the table for supportive nods, but received only confused stares.

Basic White Kid Near Extinction After Destruction of Feeding Ground

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Conservationists from the National Wildlife Service have raised concerns that the Basic White Kid, a rare animal indigenous to the coasts of North America, may be on the verge of extinction following the discovery that it can no longer access one of its primary food sources.

White Actors Sweep Oscars, Overcome History of Opportunity

Hollywood, CA - In a groundbreaking victory for white rights activists and other minorities around the nation, 36.6 million viewers watched on Sunday as Eddie Redmayne (The Theory of Everything) and Julianne Moore (Still Alice) received the awards for Best White Actor and Best White Actress, respectively, at the 87th Academy Awards. Patricia Arquette (Boyhood) and JK Simmons (Whiplash) also made film history when they were announced as Best White Supporting Actress and Actor, as well.