and entering


Don’t Mind Me, I’m Just Fighting the Good Fight

By a Harvard Social Justice Warrior
I'm like every Harvard student: I keep my head down, do my studies, make self-aware jokes about "grabbing meals," and do my part to save the world. It's all so exhausting. Believe me, at the end of my grind as someone whose job is to concentrate in something, I would like nothing more than to watch a Greta Gerwig movie and be blissfully ignorant of the world’s problems. But sorry, world! My broke college ass can’t afford to let this shit slide!

Non-Woke Portion of Nation Just Wants 50 More Years to Snooze on Every Issue

UNITED STATES -- The segment of the nation that has yet to become woke has requested 50 more years of dormancy. Reporters are told that after being repeatedly prodded to take a closer look at race relations, transgender rights, and poverty, for instance, the non-woke simply mumbled something about colorblindness and went back to sleep. Upon further nudging, the non-woke batted its offenders away, saying, “Just—just 26.3 million more minutes, okay? I set an alarm,” and a peaceful smile returned to its face as it slept.