BEIJING, China -- Fast on the heels of the Sudanese government's decision to jail a woman for naming a teddy bear after the prophet Muhammad, Chinese authorities are scrambling to recall thousands of domestically manufactured Islamic militant teddy bears.

"We thought there would be a niche market for these things," explained Chinese Premier Zhou. Zhou and other Chinese officials have long struggled to expand China's product line beyond lead toys. Said Zhou, "We hope to return to a time when the 'Made in China' label meant 'This is Quality.' Unfortunately that time was 800 AD - when we invented gunpowder."

The Chinese line of teddy bears, with names like "Muhammad," "Aladdin," and "Jafar," reinforce all of America's favorite Islamic stereotypes.

Each bear comes in a Mosque-shaped box that, when rattled, puts a jihad on the customer unless they buy the toy. Customers can also purchase add-ons, like a Qur'an coloring book and a certificate of membership to Hamas.

When asked if they found the teddy bears offensive, an area Muslim said "No - what's the big deal?" The area Muslim explained that "No real Muslim would kill someone for a teddy bear. Only the Muslims on TV do that."

An area liberal, when asked the same question, responded, "Of course the bears are offensive. I just signed a petition to boycott China in my head."