LONDON, UK (NOT BLOODY BRUSSELS) — After Britain formally triggered Article 50 and initiated the legal process of leaving the European Union, witnesses have confirmed that former UKIP leader Nigel Farage spontaneously burst into purple and yellow flames, before ceasing to exist.
Having spent the months since the shocking 2016 referendum result alternating between speaking at President Trump’s campaign rallies, defending referendum claims that were later shown to be false, and antagonizing the frayed sentiments of the British people like a nationalistic mosquito, many have been questioning what role Mr. Farage would have in post-Brexit politics. Sources close to Mr. Farage claim UKIP’s sole MP Douglas Carswell claiming “job done” and leaving the party triggered a series of existential crises, leading to the evaporation of his reason for being, and ultimately his existence itself.
In the moments prior to his disapparation, Mr. Farage, a privately educated former banker, was sipping on a celebratory pint of British lager alongside his fellow common men at the pub. Eyewitnesses claim Mr. Farage was part-way through “telling it how it is” when the triggering of Article 50 was announced, at which point his corporeal matter abruptly dematerialized, leaving only a scorched UKIP logo on his recently vacated barstool.
At press time, Prime Minister Theresa May had yet to release a formal statement, although witnesses reported what appeared to be a party at 10 Downing Street, accompanied by the sounds of “Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead” from the soundtrack of The Wizard of Oz.