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Gutenberg Invents Printing Press

In what will probably go down in the history books as one of man's greatest inventions, Johannes Gutenberg has discovered a way to produce ammonia from hydrogen and nitrogen at the industrial level. In lesser news, he has also found a way to automate the writing process. With the two inventions, many predict he will revolutionize the fertilizer industry, causing a boom in farming and negating any diseases that may be sweeping over continent. This will allow Europe to become the central world power for the rest of human history. He will also be able to create pretty labels in order to properly identify the new product.

Reactions have been mixed. For example, God, also known as Allah and Yahweh, states, "I don't know what you're talking about, this whole printing process is way more important. Trust me, I know. I'm very excited that people will finally be able to read my words without having them corrupted by idiot priests. Love your neighbor? Treat your fellow man as you would want to be treated? Ha! People will finally see that my true purpose for them is to kill Jews and homosexuals."

Not everyone has reacted so cheerfully. Economists predict that the two inventions will create a wave of unemployment, coming from an exponentially growing population and the world's oldest profession--scribe--being done by machine. People have already begun resist the change. Ned Ludd, founder of the Luddites, states, "The invention of these machines that automate the production of clothing can only prove a disaster to Great Britain and everywhere else this so called "industrial revolution" has taken over. Those Mexicans are taking our jobs."

Despite the opposition, the inventor himself, Johannes Gutenberg, states the following, "Meine Mamma hat immer gesagt, das Leben ist wie eine Schachtel Pralinen, man weiß nie, was man kriegt. Sehen Sie denn nicht? Er hat ein Messer.

Das ist doch kein Messer. ...DAS ist ein Messer." History can be the only judge to whether these extraordinary predictions prove correct.

© 2009