VRYBURG, SOUTH AFRICA - Ecstatic celebrations rang out across the small South African informal settlement of Huhudi late Sunday night, after the news broke that the Carolina Panthers had been crowned champions of the football world.

 

Information spread as shipments of memorabilia were delivered, emblazoned with Panthers iconography and bold lettering announcing the team’s newly earned status as “Super Bowl 50 Champions.” Residents expressed their delight with whoops of joy, taking as many of the collectibles as possible. “We’re so happy that the Panthers have reached the mountaintop,” declared townswoman Lesego Shebi, “but as a Bills fan I can’t wait for when we finally get back in the playoffs; I still have my T-shirts from when we won four rings in a row!” Shebi has now been waiting 17 years for this to occur.

 

“I was just starting to get tired of my Seattle Seahawks Super Bowl XLIX shirt,” said local man Julius Kekesi, as he happily selected a baseball cap and a unique 5-Piece Souvenir Pin Set. “It’s so generous of a $7 billion organization like the NFL to just donate them to us, especially since these supplies are just what the community needs to raise itself out of poverty. Clean water and a reliable source of food really are overrated,” he added, before donning his new apparel and walking past a makeshift corrugated iron hospital to his wife and seven children in their ostentatious one room family home.

 

At press time, a spokesperson from the NFL stated, “We are always happy to expand our business through the ruthless, methodical exploitation of new markets. We particularly enjoy undercutting local textile industries and perpetuating a cycle of subsistence farming and poverty. You're welcome, Huhudi. Go Panthers!”