LONDON, UK — After Theresa May’s announcement to the British people that she will hold a snap general election in June 2017, sources indicate Turkish President Recep Erdogan has reached out to the British Prime Minister for guidance on how to more effectively consolidate his power and control over Turkey.
May’s decision comes following a series of unambiguous promises not to call a general election until 2020, leading critics to label the change of heart as a calculated attempt to seize greater power over the UK Parliament, by capitalising on dysfunction in the opposition Labour party.
Reports suggest Mr. Erdogan was impressed by May’s ability to maintain absolute conformity among her cabinet while making such an abrupt policy U-turn, as well as her ability to redirect attention to other parties, who she accused of “game-playing.”
In a private phone call between the two leaders, Erdogan sought advice on how to implement similar tactics in his own country. “All I did was lock up a couple of dissidents and replace a few judges. This snap election maneuver seems much more effective, and you’re not even going to have to debate your policies!” applauded the Turkish President, who has recently been granted sweeping new executive powers after redrafting the country's constitution.
Meanwhile, Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn publicly welcomed the announcement at a press conference alongside several members of his opposition party. “We are excited to offer an effective alternative to the Conservative government”, stated Mr. Corbyn, while discretely tasering MP Tom Blenkinsop before the media could question him directly.
When asked by President Erdogan to distil her advice into a few sentences, May responded, "Why does it matter? None of my declarations about closely-held convictions are truthful anyway."