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Developing Countries Get "Totally Stacked" Over Summer Vacation

New York-With the resumption of business at the United Nations after a summer recess, member states have been pleasantly surprised by the firm ballooning of economic activity in the world's developing nations.  Previously impoverished and infrastructurally backward countries have finally gained the attention of several first-world nations willing to invest considerable time and money in the hopes of getting sweet, sweet returns.

Iranian Supreme Leader’s Personal Assistant Forgets to Rig Elections

Documents recently leaked from the upper echelons of the Iranian government reveal that the personal assistant to Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei had forgotten to rig the presidential elections that took place in June this year, enabling the relative political moderate Hassan Rouhani to win without even the need for a runoff.

Giorgio Tsoukalos Unconvinced of Alien Activity

Nazareth, Israel—Following months of study, researchers have concluded that a conical stone structure discovered beneath the Sea of Galilee must be extraterrestrial in origin. The structure, twice as large as Stonehenge and weighing 60,000 tons, was initially believed to be part of a flooded ancient city, but further analysis has indicated that the area surrounding the structure has been submerged since at least 15,000 years before the birth of Christ, long before humans settled in the region.

A Satire V Exclusive: Edward Snowden - “I Can Have A Long, Fulfilling Life In This Airport.”

Edward Snowden, a former NSA contractor, sacrificed everything to reveal secret government data gathering programs.  Now, after spending a week in the Moscow International Airport, he has broken his silence regarding his life of fear and exile.

“A life of fear is not for me,” said Snowden, chewing on a soft pretzel from Bunska Pretzel, Moscow Airport’s premier pretzel shop. “No, no I can have a long, fulfilling life in this airport.” 

Thatcher’s Death Lifts Curse on Falkland Islands

FALKLAND ISLANDS-- On April 8, 2013, at the exact moment of the death of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, a magical, emerald mist rose off the beaches of the Falkland Islands, bringing an end to the curse that has held the islands hostage for the past 31 years. Residents report a mysterious, mystical music rousing them from their slumbers just before dawn. As they approached the windows of their respective houses, they saw, in the sky, a great, roiling green cloud slowly rising into the heavens.

Obama Elected President of Kenya

Voting fraud struggles continued in Kenya this week as polls indicated that Barack Obama won the nation’s recent presidential election. Current Prime Minister Raila Odinga accused the Kenyan Birther Movement (KBM) of rigging the voter tallying process, which has had a history of fraud since the last election in 2007.

Everyone Comes Out as Guilty of Everything

Area officials are reporting that in absolutely every single city there is someone guilty of something. Police report that droves of everyone are flocking to police precincts to admit their wrongdoings.

Hugo Chavez's Body Enshrined in the Hall of Chubby Communists

The body of the late Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez was brought to Russia today to be interred with the remains of other big-boned socialist revolutionaries in Moscow's majestic Hall of Chubby Communists.  Here Chavez will become part of a veritable pantheon of pudgy Marxists including such greats as Kim Il-Sung, Pol "Pot Belly" Pot, Nicolae Ceausescu, and Mao Zedong.

Hugo Chavez Remembered

Several of Chavez’s closest confidants weigh in on his passing.

Syrians "Moved" by the Plight of Carnival Triumph

The victims of the crippled cruise ship the Carnival Triumph have received an outpouring of sympathy and support from the Syrianpeople in recent days, after news came to Damascus that more than three-thousand people were trapped for days on end in the floating food palace with barely three swimming pools.  Syrians were universally horrified that the vacations of over 750 overweight American families were ruined by an engine room fire that caused the ship to lose propulsion in the Gulf of Mexico last Sunday.

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