Following his recent breakup with Susan O'Neil '09 of Currier House, Harvard student Steve Mann has reportedly exhausted all possibilities for expansion on the Cambridge side of the Charles river. Mann has since commissioned a series of artists to detail plans for future expansion into Allston girls.

"Harvard's expanded long enough into suburban women this side of the Charles," explained Mann, "and I will be the first to forge a blazing path of glory right into every Allston girl." Mann then emphatically gestured to a full sized Allston town model, with little checkered flags demarcating the locations of each potential girl for expansion.

Pending the approval of his roommates, Mann's plan for expansion will continue well into 2050. The first phase of expansion is expected to be Jenna Stern, a resident of the Charlesview apartment complex, who has agreed to the expansion pending the signing of a final contract. Mann's expansion into Stern is expected to be one of the largest in Massachusetts history, coming after eight months of unconsummated negotiations.

When asked if expanding into Jenna Stern was a viable long-term strategy, Mann explained "I don't plan to expand into one Allston girl - I plan to expand into many."