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36 Questions That Will Lead to Love

by the Harvard Advocate
 

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, which Frankfurt School critical theorist would you want as a dinner guest?

5. When did you last recite a John Ashbery poem to yourself? To someone else?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will be consumed by the oblivion?

8. Name three things that you and your partner appear to have in common besides thick Warby Parker glasses and the tendency to over use the word “discourse.”

Girl Glancing over Shoulder in Dining Hall Clearly About to Talk Serious Shit About Jenny

LOWELL DINING HALL – Megan C. Lafferty ’20, glancing over her shoulder in the dining hall, is clearly about to talk some serious shit about Jenny.

When Lafferty gossips over meals, she normally just drops her voice to offer her unsolicited opinions about her classmates. But at lunch on Tuesday, Lafferty craned her neck over her shoulder and slowly scanned the entire dining hall for anyone who might possibly know her linkmate.

“Oh wow,” commented a passerby. “That bitch must be about to talk some serious shit about Jenny.”

Area Student Still Doesn't Know Floormate’s Name But “Shit It's Too Late to Ask Now”

CAMBRIDGE, MA – After three months of living within twenty feet of him, Ryan Brown ‘21 still does not know the name of that student who lives across the hall. “Well shit, I can’t just ask him at this point,” he said, realizing the semester is rapidly coming to an end.

If You Can’t Handle Me at My “SPU Final Is Tomorrow,” You Don’t Deserve Me at My “SPU Final Was Yesterday”

Hey, boy who wants to date me, I have 21 words for you: If you can’t handle me at my “SPU final is tomorrow,” you don’t deserve me at my “SPU final was yesterday.”

The Best Part of My Day Is Walking Past That One Warm Spot Next to Canaday

By a freshman

This morning, on my walk from the Science Center to Sever, I walked past that warm spot next to Canaday. It was the purest moment of bliss I've experienced since I arrived at this freezing wasteland.

To be honest, things haven’t been going that well lately. I have papers and finals piling up, my unrequited crush is getting a bit creepy, I think I have a roach problem, and—if you haven't noticed—it’s fucking cold outside.

5 Classrooms to Scream in That Are All Sever 204

You have a final exam on Wednesday, a 12-page research paper due Thursday, and a meeting with your thesis advisor on Friday. You definitely think that shrieking ferociously loudly into the void would help you deal with all your stress, but your roommate is always sleeping. Lucky for you, Harvard has a wide variety of empty classrooms that you can scream in!

1. Sever 204

It’s Not You, It’s Danoff Dean of Harvard College Rakesh Khurana

How Your Thesis is Like Your Relationship And Why You Will Fuck Up Both

The first couple of months are rosy. Something about the subject initially caught your interest — a historically -grounded concept of truth, a large but well-proportioned ass. Suddenly, you feel this strange mixture of nervousness and excitement, intimidation and optimism. 

STAT 110 Professor Joe Blitzstein Uses “Symmetry” to Prove Existence of God

Joe Blitzstein

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Harvard Professor Joe Blitzstein has shocked the world with what has been described as the “most elegant proof for the existence of God in human history.”

I Love Community Night!

By John Smith (NOT Faculty Dean of Quincy House)

Hey there!  It’s me, your friendly and 100% non-fictional classmate, John Smith.  I love so many things about Harvard, but one of my favorites has got to be Community Night in the house dining halls.  Boy, oh boy, is that a special treat.  Here are just a few of the reasons I love Community Night so much.

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