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5 Ingredients in Your Late-Night Ramen That are Happier Than You

Instant Ramen

Maybe you’re having an okay week. Maybe your work is all getting done, and you’ve been getting enough sleep. Maybe you’ve been getting 2 (or maybe even 3!) square meals a day. But probably not, given that you’re heating up this mug of Ramen at 2:30 am in the smelly basement kitchen of your dorm.

Can you find happiness in this ramen? Will scarfing down these noodles and broth bring you closer to the nirvana these ingredients have already achieved? Again, probably not. But you might as well try–Brain Break is gross tonight.

QUIZ: What Do Your Choices While Playing “The Sims” Say About Your Morality?

Just like in human life, the realm of Sims is a continuous test of shmalaklo (good) and jibjeeb (bad) choices. Sure, you can guide your character’s personality traits and daily lives to shape who they are, but what do your decisions in this EA game say about you? Take the quiz below to find out!
 
1.  How much time do you spend editing the physical appearance of your Sim?
A.   Not for too long! Sometimes I randomize the Sim :)

Sure, Ariana Grande May Appreciate Japan, But Does She Actually Collect Late Edo Period Antique Barbecues?

Some enjoy learning about Japan through travel, and others prefer to appreciate from afar through the likes of anime and j-pop. However, only the most enlightened pursue the noble path of attaining Japaneseness by owning a Late Edo Period Antique Tabletop Charcoal Grill Shichirin (5.7” diameter). Imagine my surprise, then, when Ariana Grande-san came out as one of us!

Help: The Only Bandersnatch Ending I Can Get Is the One where Stefan Looks Straight into the Camera and Tells Me He’s Gonna Fuck My Mom

Stefan

Look, Black Mirror’s new “Bandersnatch” release has been all anyone’s been talking about nowadays. But there must be something wrong with my Netflix account, because every time I play it I get the same ending: Stefan suddenly turns from his computer and looks me dead in the eyes before saying “I’m gonna fuck your mum.” 

Injustice Reigns: This Baby Got Three Names But Mr. Bean Only Got One

Mr. Bean!

It’s no secret that, at the present, America is incredibly divided.  However, a startling new claim makes it clear that the inequality in our country is somehow more rampant than one could have imagined.

I Accidentally Put Cream of Tartar on My Cut Instead of Neosporin and Here’s What Happened

cream of tartar

Yesterday I arrived home from class and began making myself a Family Size box of Annie’s mac ‘n cheese to eat alone in my bed. Tragically, as I cut into a firm stick of salted butter to add to my cheese sauce, I nicked myself with my knife and cut my finger. I instinctually headed for my pantry, and began sifting through assorted bottles of vitamins, spices, and condiments, all haphazardly mixed together in the same cabinet for ease of use. Finally, my eyes fell upon it, a small jar of opaque cream.

Satan to Honor Those Who Take Only the Crumble Part of the Apple Crumble

apple crumble

HELL—Satan will host a Summit to Recognize Extraordinary Evil later this month honoring the bold men and women who, come dessert time, take only the delicious crumbly bits of the apple crumble, a spokesman for the Dark Prince announced on Thursday.

QUIZ: Should You Wake Up the Airline Passenger Next To You, Or Just Piss Your Pants?

After fighting your way through seemingly endless lines at baggage check and security, you’ve finally settled in for your flight home. You realize you have to pee, but you’re in the middle seat and the passenger in the aisle is fast asleep. 
 
Should you wake up the airline passenger next to you, or just piss your pants? Take this quiz to find out!
 
  1. How badly do you have to pee?
A) Just a little.

The Top 10 Cloth Puppets That Are Raging Homosexuals

The sexualities of the beloved, definitely gay Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie have been at the center of debate practically since their debut on the children’s TV show in 1969. However, as the world continues to debate TV’s gayest puppet couple, it has failed to speculate on the sexualities of all of the other members of the Muppet universe. All of the muppets (except Beaker, the token straight) are gay, but some are more homosexual than the rest. Below are the top 10 gayest muppets:

QUIZ: Should You Have Brought Up Your Extensive Animal Tooth Collection in Your Case Interview?

shark teeth

1) How many animal teeth did you admit to owning?

A) Only two. I said they were shark teeth that I got on a family vacation to Ocean City, MD last year.
B) Several hundred. I also mentioned how I had them variously stashed around my room: a handful of zebra incisors on my desk, a dozen or so cobra fangs in the closet, and -- get this -- a full set of bear teeth in the top drawer of my nightstand. I know, my setup is pretty badass.

2) How did your interviewer react when you brought up the animal teeth?

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