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LEAKED: Crimson Key Society Comp Interest Form Draft

The Crimson Key Society logo
Checking all that apply helps the Crimson Key check "solving inclusivity issues" off of their list.
Satire V has obtained an exclusive leaked draft of the Crimson Key Society's comp interest form. Check it out below:
 

Name: _______ [ I ] [ II ] [ III ] [ IV ] [ V ] [ VI ] [ Jr. ] [ Esq. ] [ Esq., II ] 

Class (Social): ________
 
Harvard Dorm Room #: __________
 
Parent's Average Annual Income: $ ___,000,000
 
Hometown (check all that apply)
( ) New York ( ) Los Angeles ( ) Exotic International Locale ( ) Nowheresville
 
Rate your jawline on a scale from 1-10 (below 8s need not apply)
8  9  10
 
Languages in which you'd feel comfortable giving a tour
( ) Spanish ( ) French ( ) White American Vernacular English 
 
Which HSA Laundry Plan are you on?
( ) Full bag ( ) Full bag, delivered ( ) Full bag delivered + unlimited dry cleaning ( ) Do you really think I'm going to let Harvard students handle my laundry?? 
 
How many hangovers do you average a week? (Below 8s need not apply):
13  14  15  16  17 
 
Any additional skills:
( ) Code switching ( ) Casual elitism ( ) Finding phallic imagery in anything that remotely resembles a stick ( ) Not-so casual elitism 
 
Essay Questions: 
 
1. Why are you interested in Crimson Key and what unique perspectives or final club affiliations could you contribute to the organization? 
 
2. Pretend you have $100 to put toward a service project on behalf of the Crimson Key Society to serve the Harvard community. What Key rager would you throw and why? 
 
3. CKS is dedicated to making Harvard a more inclusive and welcoming community for all, except the 89.5% of people we cut. If you could implement an initiative through Crimson Key that would work toward cutting more people, what would it be and why?
 
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