Last night at approximately 1:30 a.m., a female Harvard undergraduate was approached by a disheveled male and threatened at knifepoint in JFK Park. Multiple witnesses and the victim have stated that the man, later identified by authorities as George Jennings, placed a knife to her neck and demanded that she hand over all her money. The victim was able to extricate herself from the situation by looking her assaulter straight in the eyes and telling him in a very firm voice “No.” Upon recognizing that the victim was not willing to consent to being mugged, Jennings gave her a humble and sincere apology and then proceeded with the rest of his evening, which reached its low point when he ended up, confused and drunk, in Tasty Burger.

Jennings was subsequently apprehended by the police and taken into custody. When questioned, he reportedly stated that he just needed “some easy dough” and that the victim was a “sitting duck.” However, he admitted that he did not carry his assault out to its conclusion due to the powerful impact that the victim’s words had on his conscience.

“When I heard her say no in the most forceful and direct manner imaginable, I suddenly realized that she really didn’t want this. I mean, I’ve considered that possibility before, but with that frightened yet fierce look in her eyes, I just couldn’t help but think wow, she really doesn’t want to be assaulted,” the 6’ 10” monster of a man reflected.

When the victim was interviewed, she candidly discussed what was going through her mind in the heat of the moment.

“I’ve always found that it’s best to be direct with men and clearly state your intentions. In kindergarten, I was told that the first thing to do if someone is bothering you is to clearly tell them that you do not like what they are doing. That crucial life lesson has stuck with me for… well… for life.”

At press time, Harvard was looking to add the “firm no” method to its self-defense classes since, with one total success, it is now the most effective method to date.