and entering

LEAKED: Shopping List for Tommy D’s Going Away Party

Flamin' Hot Cheetos
Only the best for Tommy D.
As Dean of Freshman Tom “Tommy D” Dingman’s final semester begins, the Freshman Dean’s Office is firing on all cylinders to plan a legendary goodbye bash for him. In his email to the "non-narc" Harvard faculty, Tommy D described the event as “the banger of the century.”
The FDO has enlisted members of the Delphic to help plan the party. Unfortunately for Tommy D, who was hoping to keep the party on the low, Chad L. Harkner '20, the Delphic member in charge of shopping, dropped his list outside of what was once Market in the Square, where it was found by Satire V. It is published below in its entirety:
  1. 2 dozen bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos 
  2. 5 scorpions for pranking people
  3. 1 sign that says "Snitches Get Stitches"
  4. A VHS copy of Wayne's World 2
  5. Baked brie
  6. Smoked Gouda
  7. Smoked salmon
  8. Smoked cheddar
  9. Stoned chicken 
  10. High protein shakes
  11. Indica
  12. Just foolin' I know you can't buy Indica at a store 
  13. Indica (go to corner of Dunster & Mass Ave 11pm on Thursday)
  14. Guac for days
  15. Mini-muffins
  16. Some dogs for grillin'
  17. Soda pops for chillin' 
  18. #DivestHarvard
  19. Tide Pods 
  20. Flavor Blasted Xtra Cheddar Goldfish
  21. Actually make it 3 dozen bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos 
  22. 1 pair of Nantucket red chubbies
  23. A pair of beer opener flip flops 
  24. A Honda Odyssey from Zipcar for legally hazing the new Dean of Freshmen near the New Hampshire border marker
  25. You know what YOLO just get 6 dozen bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos

Image credit:

© 2018