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Point/Counterpoint: Sasuke Uchiha Is the Greatest Anime Character of All Time vs. Sasuke Uchiha Is a Waste of Fucking Space

Sasuke Uchiha, in four panels.
Caption: The 15-year evolution from teenage heartthrob to most-likely-to-get-punched-while-rhapsodizing-about-his-manpain.
Sasuke Uchiha is the greatest anime character of all time
by 14 year-old you
 
Sasuke Uchiha...how do I begin to explain Sasuke Uchiha? His tragic backstory is so heartbreaking; his dark hair - flawless. Did you see him during the chuunin exam arc? I swear my heart stopped when he pulled out the Chidori justu. Quickest way to a girl's heart—literally and figuratively. And what young boy doesn't wish he could be as mysteriously brooding and pull off arm/leg warmers?  One time he even punched Deidara. It was awesome. Not to mention that Sasuke possesses not only the eternal Mangekyo Sharingan but also the Rinnegan and the power of Indra Otsuski, one of the two descendants of the Sage of Six Paths. There is literally no other person, real or fictional, who can ever hope to compare with the awesomeness of Sasuke Uchiha. Honestly they should just rename the whole show after him.
 
Sasuke Uchiha is a waste of fucking space
by 22 year-old you
 
Wow, I haven't thought about this asshole in a while, so no thanks for this unpleasant trip down shameful memory lane. Like, every couple years, I go back on the internet and google the question "Is Sasuke good again?" And every couple years, the answer is inevitably "No." He's still stuck at the emotionally self-destructive level of the emo kid in middle school, only his 'welcome to my twisted mind' phase has been going on for FIFTEEN FREAKING YEARS. That's right folks. Naruto Shippuden only ended in March 2017. The only time I've been comparably surprised was when I learned that Elton John was still alive. I'll admit, the chuunin exam arc was an emotional tour de force, but it's all downhill from there.
 
Seriously, don't get emotionally invested in Sasuke Uchiha. It's not worth it.
 
He's not even that good looking when you take a step back. Why would any self-respecting viewer be attracted that chicken-butt hair?
 
Don't even get me started on the ending of the anime series. What the fuck was that? Not only did Sasuke Uchiha turn out to be the sinkhole of all potential character development, but he also totally tanked Sakura's badass storyline by wifing her up and then naming their child Salad. SALAD. I don't care if the captions spell it the mangled Japanese pronunciation way. You're one of the most dangerous shinobi of one of the most powerful Hidden Villages;  you're not allowed to name your kid like an anti-vax Hollywood starlet.  Jesus Christ, this is worse than when Naruto was allowed to reproduce and name his kid Bolt.
 
There is literally no redeeming characteristic of Sasuke Uchiha. That is all. By all means, ninja-run away from him and his 10000+ episodes of contributing absolutely nothing useful to the universe.
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