Tampa, FL—Maria Bortsova, a visiting student at the University of South Florida’s College of Communications, was unsuccessful in her attempt during dinner last Friday to tell her host family about the organism that is currently feasting on her large intestine.

As Harvard’s introductory language classes approach midterms, many students are becoming increasingly skilled at expressing uncomfortable truths about themselves.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Area mother-to-be Kristen Marner gave her unborn son a tour of Harvard College this past Thursday, scrupulously setting him up for a life of disappointment.

 At around 11am, when most productive members of society were occupied with their careers and daily lives, Marner was spotted sneaking into a Chem 30 lecture to expose her fetus to the concepts of molecular orbital theory and pericyclic reactions.