WASHINGTON—Earlier this week, sources uncovered the essay that won over the College of Electors in the most recent presidential application cycle. The essay contained 100 scribbles of “#MakeAmericaGreatAgain” in letters that were considered “YUGE” by linguistic experts.
Many members of the College of Electors admissions board have praised the transcript for its originality and authenticity. “How daring! This is exactly the type of straightforward, unapologetic advocacy that America needs!” writes elector Luke Carnegie. “If you don’t use the hashtag, how can I trust that you actually want to #MakeAmericaGreatAgain? And if you only use it once, how do I know that it’s going to be your priority?”
However, others were less enthusiastic about the applicant’s essay. Elector Lucie Saks stated, “It’s not that I don’t want America to be great—I just didn’t see the nuance and detail that I was expecting. I even reread the third paragraph to see if I had missed any strategies or policies. I almost caught a typo on the 88th #MakeAmericaGreatAgain, but then I realized it was just an orange smudge on the page.”
At a post-admissions rally, the man boasted about his essay. “My unapologetic MakeAmericaGreatAgainism is a central part of my identity, and I wanted that to be represented adequately in my application," the man said. “The insistence on an explanation is inherently un-American. So stop asking about my plans for the future—I have plenty of time to decide my major, try out different acapella groups, and determine the scope of further intervention in Syria."