SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Trump

Help! I am the Presidential Alert and THE PRESIDENT IS IN TROUBLE!

Presidential alert
 Citizens, the president of the United States of America has fallen, and he can't get up! I repeat: President Trump cannot get up! It is an emergency at the national level! 
 
Bring your arms! Bring your legs! Send the legs and arms of a local firefighter! Gather the nearest lever, wheelbarrow, and man-sized bucket! Dangle a corn chip enticingly above our president to motivate him to GET UP! 
 

Wattpad Author Thrilled to Finally See Canon Support for Trump x Kanye Fanfiction

Trump/Yeezy

BUENA PARK, CA — As Kanye West’s pro-Trump Twitter activity galvanized public interest this week, Hannah K. Smith—also known by her online alias, xX1D_LUVR89Xx—was ecstatic about newfound support for the Trump x Kanye fanfiction she has been writing for years.

“This is definitely support that my ship is 100% canon. I’ve known since 2009, when Trump tweeted about the VMAs, that there was something between those guys,” said Smith, the author of the popular online work The West’s Wings, the tale of a forbidden relationship between West and Trump in the White House. 

Dad to Misbehaving Son: “You Can Expect a Tweet Tomorrow Morning, Young Man”

trump and tillerson

BOSTON, MASS.—After spending the entire school term clashing with his father, a local father told 14-year-old Devin L. Dunlap that he can expect a tweet tomorrow morning. This ultimatum is a blow to Dunlap, who must now dread a 280-character missive on an online public forum.

“I couldn’t believe my ears when Dad finally dropped the hammer,” Dunlap said. "I thought for sure that grounding me right then and there was the worst he would do, but he opted for a tweet."

Democracy in Decline: 7 Norms That Donald Trump Has Undermined

Liberal pundits keep talking about how President Donald Trump has undermined American democracy by defying the norms that keep the government running. So what are these norms? And why do we care? Who is the President Pro Tempore of the Senate, and what does he do?

Without further ado, these are the top 7 norms that Trump has undermined:

1.     Norm of Mutual Toleration

 Congress

Retrospective: A Timeline of the Year Since Trump's Election

November 8, 2016 (Election)—WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK?

November 9, 2016 (The morning after)—FUCK. Deep breaths. FUCK. Breathe in. FUCK. Breathe out. FUCK.

November 10, 2016 (Clinton spotted in woods)—Come the fuck back.

January 11, 2017 (Obama gives his farewell address)—FUCKING STAY.

January 20, 2017 (Inauguration)—FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

January 21, 2017 (Spicer lies about crowd size)—Okay we have the fucking picture right in front of us.

Trump Positions Naval Warships Across from Rosie O'Donnell's House

NEW YORK — After winning bipartisan support for his surprise missile strikes in Syria, President Donald Trump decided to test his newfound political capital by positioning two naval warships across from Rosie O'Donnell's house in Rockland County, NY.
 

Man Writes #MakeAmericaGreatAgain 100 Times in Application Essay, Becomes President

WASHINGTON—Earlier this week, sources uncovered the essay that won over the College of Electors in the most recent presidential application cycle. The essay contained 100 scribbles of “#MakeAmericaGreatAgain” in letters that were considered “YUGE” by linguistic experts.

Exclusive: Song Lyrics from Disney's Paul Ryan Musical

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Paul Ryan

Looking like you’re in a slump.

Chris Christie here’d love to be you, Paul Ryan

Even when brown-nosing Trump.

There’s no man in town as reviled as you

You’re everyone’s least fav’rite guy.

Everyone’s not reconciled with you

And it’s not very hard to see whyyy!

 

No

One

Lies like Paul Ryan

Justifies like Paul Ryan

Doesn’t care about poor people's lives like Paul Ryan.

For there’s no man in town half as spineless

Perfect and credibly white.

Even I Think This is Excessive

Following a series of news reports surrounding President Donald Trump’s unfounded accusation that President Barack Obama was wire tapping the then Republican presidential nominee, the ghost of Richard Nixon published the following statement:

 

Obama, Trump Bond Over a Game of Drone Strikes

WASHINGTON - As tensions appear to mount between President Barack Obama and President-elect Donald Trump, the two met at the White House today to get to know each other better by playing a rousing game of drone strikes.
 
"Ooo, look Barack! I got one!" said Trump as Obama showed him the ropes this afternoon in the Situation Room.
 
"Uh, actually, you missed. You were supposed to hit the Taliban hideout next to the playground," responded Obama. "But no worries. Happens all the time."
 

Pages