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Breaking

and entering

cheese

They’ll Never Notice Me Stealing Cheese from the Holworthy Kitchen if I Make the Science Center Tent Extra Long

Dear Members of the Harvard Community:

As I approach the end of my tenure as Harvard President, I must confess there is one problem I thought I’d never solve. For years, social norms against robberies from communal fridges have discouraged me from descending down to the basement of Conan O’Brian’s freshman dorm to get the one thing I truly desire: cheddar cheese.