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Non-Sociopaths Still Underrepresented at Harvard

Cambridge, MA- Despite efforts to increase diversity at the college, Harvard’s most recent admissions report suggests that people capable of empathy continue to be underrepresented in the incoming Class of 2017. Although sociopaths make up less than 1% of the U.S population, they accounted for 54% of this years admitted students.

Some critics point to the lingering effects of Harvard’s long history of excluding people who experience compassion. Angus Johnson ‘49 recalls that when he attended, Harvard was still known as a “WASSP” school. “If you weren’t a White Anglo-Saxon Socio-Path most final clubs wouldn’t give you a second look. Even The Crimson excluded non-sociopaths! I knew tons of brilliant writers who had to drop out of the comp because they couldn’t drown a kitten.” While such explicit prejudice is rare today, sociopaths continue to dominate campus life.

 Sandra Risnoff, a professor in the Department of Sociology, argues that biased applications and standardized tests are partially to blame. “Some of the questions seem neutral, but actually are based on a set of cultural assumptions that tip the balance in favor of sociopaths,” explains Risnoff. “Last year, for example, the writing section asked students to write about a time they ‘destroyed a rival.’ A couple years ago, a word problem asked students to estimate the dollar value of a human life. It might seem trivial but cultural details like that can really you up if you don’t have antisocial personality disorder.”

 When contacted for an official response, Dean of Faculty Arts and Sciences Michael D. Smith announced he would “take care of” the situation this very night, taking down the names and addresses of  “ each and every on one of those sweethearts in the admissions office,” and promising to “have a little chat” with them.

© 2014