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Sophomore Finds Cockroach in Quad Double, Loses All Faith

Frustrated by the lack of floor space in the 100 sq. ft. double, the cockroach retreated to the ceiling.
Emily A. Glennbury ‘16 was “shocked, saddened and entirely existentially disillusioned” to find a cockroach in her Cabot double this Friday.
 
“At first, I thought it was a piece of brownie,” said Glennbury, referring to the dessert she had managed to snag from Cabot before they ran out, which often happens because a surprising number of people actually do come to its brain break.
 
She realized it was a cockroach when the insect ran into the small strip of floor that separates the room’s two beds. Glennbury then reportedly tried to step on it, instead tripping over the two dressers that they had been forced to cram into the remaining available space.
 
“I just don’t see what good there can be left in this world,” said Glennbury, who began to curse the River Gods while steadily beating her fists against the wall, which had been painted no more recently than the walls in any other House.  
 
Franz K., '06, who lives across the hall trapped in a world of endless bureaucracy, heard the commotion and refused to assist Glennbury in dispatching the cockroach.

At press time, Glennbury was staring at her floor with sad resignation, when she really should have been checking shuttle times to make sure she could make it to her night section.
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