CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Confiding to reporters that he “doesn’t know how it happened so quickly,” Harvard junior Mark Tonya ‘18, despite having had only one week of classes so far, has already fallen desperately behind on his work for this semester. Already with 200 pages of reading to make up and 3 psets due before the end of the week, it is safe to say that Mark's level of outstanding work has already achieved mid- or even late-semester levels.

 

“Usually it takes some time in the semester before my work steps in and completely destroys my social life, but this semester it seems to have happened pretty much immediately,” Mark confirmed. “I just woke up this morning and was like, ‘Damn, I have already lost control of my life this semester. That was fast.’”

 

Looking back on his life, Mark tried to find the source of his problem. “SLS section is mandatory, but you’re allowed to miss three of them, so I probably could have just spent this morning working. Also, I remember reading that Russian Cold War studies show that you can stay awake for eleven days without serious long term consequences. And you can definitely go without food for like three weeks, which would save me from having to go from Lamont to the dhall…but how would I get water? I guess I could get it from bathrooms…I wonder if there’s any way to make going to the bathroom more efficient for me. Maybe I should just work in the bathroom.”

 

Mark's concentration adviser later confirmed he had dropped his second math course for ER18.