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We Know We’re Not That Great and We’re Sorry

The Harvard Crimson
Does anyone even know what this logo is? It kind of looks like one of those wax seals, but we publish newspapers, not 18th century letters.

Dear Harvard Community, 

We write to you today to address a dark truth that has skulked in the shadows of our fine red-brick campus for quite some time now. An elephant in the room, if you will, that we believe we must acknowledge, for fear of appearing oblivious or obtuse to the obvious state of reality. We, The Crimson, are not that great. And we’re sorry.

Yes, we hail ourselves as “the only daily college newspaper on the AP wire,” and for that reason you probably expected us to be a pillar of journalism, a bastion of talent, and the home of the next Barbara Walters or Bob Woodward. But the truth is some of our best journalists took Expos 10.

We understand that day in and day out we publish typo-riddled articles with clickbaity headlines about Final Clubs, only to disappoint you with musings bereft of any substance because, in truth, we have no idea what’s going on with the Final Clubs. Only a handful of us have ever stepped foot in one, let alone been a member. One time Steve got turned away by the Phoenix's bouncer, and we named him the chief Final Club correspondent.

We fully realize that we ask fellow undergrads– usually just our friends– for quotes to include in our articles and then twist their words for comedic effect. And we take great satisfaction in the fact that those quotes will remain some of the top Google search results for their names for the rest of their lives.

We know that we are the clear underdogs in our rivalry with the Lampoon, despite the fact that they only publish printed content once or twice a year. But we're honestly not sure what to do about that.

Yes, it’s true that you technically don’t even have to comp The Crimson to write for it. But the way we see it, we’re kind of freed from the idea of "journalistic integrity" if most of the pieces published on our site are half-baked op-eds written by random people off of the street. Heck, we even made up the story about &pizza; moving into the old Crimson Corner location simply to gain readers. &pizza; isn’t moving into the Square you fools. Look it up on any real news site.

People talk on campus as if we actually believe that we are a stellar literary publication, as if we are completely blind to our own shortcomings. We are not blind. We know, and we apologize. But also, what do you expect? You think we finish a full day of classes and extracurriculars and then sit down at our desks at 2 am and think, “You know what I’m going to do? I’m gonna spend seven hours thoughtfully researching and laying out a well-written piece for my beloved school paper.” No. We bang that shit out in ten minutes, email it to the editor, and call it a night. Sue us. We bet you’d do the same thing.

So yah, The Crimson’s not that great. And we’re sorry. Now can everyone please just go back to making fun of On Harvard Time or something?

Sincerely, 

The Editors of The Crimson

P.S. Yes, we fully acknowledge that Flyby is not funny.

 

© 2017
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