and entering

“Feels like a Second Skin”- Yahoo Shine! Loves Skintimates

So silky-smooth, you'll wish they were yours!

Do you often notice your gloves getting in the way of everyday activities like gardening, digging graves, and texting your BFF on your smartphone?

Many consumers share the same problem.

- “I had to compromise between holding hands with my best girl and being warm. This is the best of both worlds!” – Ed from Plainfield, Wisconsin, a butcher.

It’s not a hand but it’s not a glove either. IT’S BOTH! 

New Skintimates™ offer a combination of comfort through the hottest new material, you guessed it, human skin. 

Hand-stitched by our trained artisans, Skintimates™ are available in Buff, Mulatto, Quadroon, and Mestizo.

We aren’t sure where they got the material and they certainly aren’t telling but we know one thing. These gloves are as soft as a baby’s hand.



Q: I want to get some Skintimates™ for my erstwhile mistress but I’m not sure if she’s a quarter or an eight 


 A: We suggest our limited time offer of one Octoroon pair with a second Quadroon pair for only 5.99, a great solution for any ambiguities.


Q: Are Skintimates™ organic?

A: Yes, we use a top-secret highly ethical method to obtain our materials.


Q: How do I keep my Skintimates™ soft?

A: It’s easy! After a day of wearing Skintimates™, you’ll settle into a moisturization routine similar to what you do with your own hands. With a dollop of lotion you’ll be ready for another day of carefree fun!


Q: Are they touchscreen safe?

A: Your phone won’t know the difference.


Q: But really where do you get the skin???

A: …


Compare to Danskin gloves for 27.99

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