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Howdy! I'm Rob the Reading Rhino, And John Doesn't Love You Anymore!

Hiya there, great to meet ya! It's me, everyone's favorite reading buddy – Rob the Rhino! I love chapter books, spelling, belly rubs, and also John says it's not working and he'll pick his stuff up on Saturday!

2020 Has Got to Go -- Fast

sonic screening

I’m not going to lie, 2020 has been rough. 12 months ago I felt so optimistic. After all, 2020 had all of the makings of my perfect year: a new decade, a thriving economy, and a theatrical release of Sonic the Hedgehog slated for February 14th. 

I thought my grandparents would attend my graduation. I was going to travel the world. And on Valentine’s day, I was supposed to have a perfect evening with Sonic, James Marsden, and Jim Carrey’s Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik. Needless to say, none of that happened.

7 Famous Shakespeare Quotes vs. 7 Things You’ve Said During Quarantine

1.     
  • I am one who loved not wisely but too well.
  • We really shouldn’t have moved in together.
 
2.
  • How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child!
  • Say “thank you,” Peter. Your father is trying his best in the kitchen.
 
3.
  • Nothing will come of nothing!
  • Nothing will come. Ever. Nothing.
 
4.
  • Get thee to a nunnery.
  • (music) Get a bucket and a mop...
 
5.

QUIZ: Does This Lady Have a Small Bladder or Just Desperately Want to Leave Your Picnic?

Many a time will women dip out of socially-distanced hangouts, claiming that they have a “small bladder” and need to get home. Take this quiz to see whether your friend is being truthful or not!

How many ounces of water has she consumed throughout the picnic?

a)     5

b)    15

c)     30.5

When you proposed taking a walk around the park, she …

a)     Vehemently declined. “Why can’t we just sit?”

POLL: Actually Do You Really Have Terrible Taste in These Actuaries’ Packed Lunches?

Bagged lunch items

Let’s see if you really have what it takes to make a smart-ass decision here, champ.

QUIZ: Is This Quote from a CDC Handwashing PSA or Shakespeare’s Macbeth?

  1. Washing hands with soap and water is the best way to get rid of germs in most situations. If soap and water are not readily available, you can use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer that contains at least 60% alcohol.

Answer: That’s the CDC!

  1. Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the green one red

REVIEW: Kraft Macaroni & Cheese

by A Furloughed Part-Time Restaurant Critic
 

QUIZ: Is the Banter Between Andrew and Chris Cuomo Erotically Charged, or Have You Been Inside for Too Long?

andrew and chris cuomo

1. When Andrew was interviewed on Chris' show on CNN, and Chris said "I love you, I'm proud of what you're doing and how hard you're working, but no matter how hard you're working, there's always time to call Mom, she wants to hear from you": 

QUIZ: Who Said It, Winston Churchill or Charlie Chaplin?

Winston Churchill and Charlie Chaplin, side by side.

-1-

"From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic, an iron curtain has descended across the continent. Behind that line lie all the capitals of the ancient states of Central and Eastern Europe."

A) Winston Churchill

B) Charlie Chaplin

 

 

(A: That’s all Churchill, baby!)

 

-2-

[*trips and falls down an elevator shaft*]

A) Winston Churchill

B) Charlie Chaplin

 

 

Breaking: AaAaAAAAAA!!!!!!

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