SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Everything Else

7 Famous Shakespeare Quotes vs. 7 Things You’ve Said During Quarantine

1.     
  • I am one who loved not wisely but too well.
  • We really shouldn’t have moved in together.
 
2.
  • How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child!
  • Say “thank you,” Peter. Your father is trying his best in the kitchen.
 
3.
  • Nothing will come of nothing!
  • Nothing will come. Ever. Nothing.
 
4.
  • Get thee to a nunnery.
  • (music) Get a bucket and a mop...
 
5.

QUIZ: Does This Lady Have a Small Bladder or Just Desperately Want to Leave Your Picnic?

Many a time will women dip out of socially-distanced hangouts, claiming that they have a “small bladder” and need to get home. Take this quiz to see whether your friend is being truthful or not!

How many ounces of water has she consumed throughout the picnic?

a)     5

b)    15

c)     30.5

When you proposed taking a walk around the park, she …

a)     Vehemently declined. “Why can’t we just sit?”

POLL: Actually Do You Really Have Terrible Taste in These Actuaries’ Packed Lunches?

Bagged lunch items

Let’s see if you really have what it takes to make a smart-ass decision here, champ.

QUIZ: Is This Quote from a CDC Handwashing PSA or Shakespeare’s Macbeth?

  1. Washing hands with soap and water is the best way to get rid of germs in most situations. If soap and water are not readily available, you can use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer that contains at least 60% alcohol.

Answer: That’s the CDC!

  1. Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the green one red

REVIEW: Kraft Macaroni & Cheese

by A Furloughed Part-Time Restaurant Critic
 

QUIZ: Is the Banter Between Andrew and Chris Cuomo Erotically Charged, or Have You Been Inside for Too Long?

andrew and chris cuomo

1. When Andrew was interviewed on Chris' show on CNN, and Chris said "I love you, I'm proud of what you're doing and how hard you're working, but no matter how hard you're working, there's always time to call Mom, she wants to hear from you": 

QUIZ: Who Said It, Winston Churchill or Charlie Chaplin?

Winston Churchill and Charlie Chaplin, side by side.

-1-

"From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic, an iron curtain has descended across the continent. Behind that line lie all the capitals of the ancient states of Central and Eastern Europe."

A) Winston Churchill

B) Charlie Chaplin

 

 

(A: That’s all Churchill, baby!)

 

-2-

[*trips and falls down an elevator shaft*]

A) Winston Churchill

B) Charlie Chaplin

 

 

Breaking: AaAaAAAAAA!!!!!!

AAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Area Straight Bro Worried That Lingering Handshake Sent the Wrong Message

GAINESVILLE, FL –– At a frat house gathering of Florida’s manliest men, local bro Chad “Papa Bear” Chetsky was horrified that his bro-shake lasted just a moment too long.

Thirty-Four-Day Anniversary Ideas That Will Show Him You're Clingier Than All His Exes

A romantic couple (silhouetted)
  1. Make a cute collage

  2. Take a long walk in the park

  3. Knit matching sweaters

  4. Casually email him houses you're looking at on Zillow

  5. Sign up for a family phone plan

  6. Tell him "Today it's okay, but next week let's start getting in shape for the wedding" when you see him reach for a slice of pie

Pages