and entering

2020 Has Got to Go -- Fast

sonic screening
It's a no from me

I’m not going to lie, 2020 has been rough. 12 months ago I felt so optimistic. After all, 2020 had all of the makings of my perfect year: a new decade, a thriving economy, and a theatrical release of Sonic the Hedgehog slated for February 14th. 

I thought my grandparents would attend my graduation. I was going to travel the world. And on Valentine’s day, I was supposed to have a perfect evening with Sonic, James Marsden, and Jim Carrey’s Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik. Needless to say, none of that happened.

In hindsight, the warning signs about 2020 came early. By the end of January COVID-19 had exploded in Wuhan, and film critic Donald Clark had called Sonic the Hedgehog “garbage” in The Irish Times. But I was naive, and I refused to believe the dire messages. 

Yet the truth caught up with me eventually. I remember that cold February night when I filed into the theater wearing my classic Sonic hat and collector’s edition Sonic gloves. Against all reason, I still expected a live-action, 3D-environment, classic Sonic experience with respect for the original source material. Instead, I was treated to a 100-minute road trip flick that featured Sonic flossing, zero Chaos Emeralds, and about 50 different plugs for Olive Garden. 

Now I know what you’re thinking: Is this really the biggest problem we’ve faced as a society? Shouldn’t we be focusing on the real catastrophes like Sonic Heroes 3, or (shudders) Sonic 2006? Yes, I will admit that this entire millennium has been tough on Sonic fans who just want to rekindle the magic of the classic games. And maybe it was foolish of me to think that 2020 would be any different. Honestly, I have to blame the Sonic fanbase for this sorry situation. Their fantastical demands for outlandish new content have polluted the Sonic canon with an unending string of disappointments. Maybe now, at long last, they have learned that their actions have consequences.

Anyway, I pretty much stopped paying attention to anything at that point. How did that COVID thing turn out? Let’s just hope 2021 is better


Image Credit: The Philadelphia Inquirer

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