and entering

5 Ingredients in Your Late-Night Ramen That are Happier Than You

Instant Ramen
Even the packaging has more zest for life than you.

Maybe you’re having an okay week. Maybe your work is all getting done, and you’ve been getting enough sleep. Maybe you’ve been getting 2 (or maybe even 3!) square meals a day. But probably not, given that you’re heating up this mug of Ramen at 2:30 am in the smelly basement kitchen of your dorm.

Can you find happiness in this ramen? Will scarfing down these noodles and broth bring you closer to the nirvana these ingredients have already achieved? Again, probably not. But you might as well try–Brain Break is gross tonight.

Frolic Acid - While you were stuck inside banging your head against the wall over your pset, these molecules of Vitamin B-ing-not-sad were prancing about in the seasoning powder forest having the time of their lives. Now it’s late, and they’re ready to get a good night’s sleep so they can rest up and get back to metabolizing.

Monosodium Has-a-mate - Didn’t find anyone during cuffing season? Swiping fingers getting tired with nothing to show for it? Well this ingredient doesn’t have anything to worry about in the love-life department. It’s in a committed relationship, and with a couple-name as cute as MSG you’re right to be jealous. It has a balanced work/social life/sleep/extracurricular/shower schedule, and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s also probably contributing to your high blood pressure and hair that’s started falling out at the slightest tousle.

Enriched Wheat Flour - Bland old wheat flour is pretty happy, so imagine how thrilling it must be to also have enrichment in your life! Yes you do have to imagine, because the only enrichment you have is the 3 hours of an allegedly “good place” you just watched instead of doing your 10-page essay whose 9am deadline keeps creeping closer and closer in leaps and bounds. Does your ten-minute power nap after an all-nighter count as enrichment?  I don’t think so, and if you’re truly honest with yourself you don’t think so either.

Soy Sauce - Not only is this saucy boy bringing the spice to the table, it’s bilingual! While you struggle through Spanish 4 days a week, this ingredient is casually introducing itself en español right on the package. Remember that midterm you forgot to show up for because you hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in a week? Soy would have walked in, said hola to your professor, and aced the test for you.

Xanthan FUN! - You’re probably struggling to hold it all together, but that’s exactly what Xanthan’s been doing all along. You run from meeting to meeting, assignments slipping your mind and hours of sleep slipping by, but Xanthan doesn’t let anything like that happen to your ramen. Not only does it have its life under control, it’s keeping all its fellow ingredients together too, and making sure they get quality time together. You should find some friends like Xanthan. Or just eat your ramen and get back to work.

© 2019