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Adele Skips Grammys After Scientific Discovery

Adele has always sung to support her passion for science.

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND - International music sensation Adele announced today that she had rediscovered Greek Fire, the enigmatic liquid used by the Byzantine Empire to set the ocean ablaze, the secrets of which had been lost for centuries. The announcement comes in lieu of her expected appearance at the Grammy Awards. The singer-songwriter claims the discovery would not have been possible had it not been for her throat surgery in November.

"While I was convalescing, I finally had an opportunity to get back to the lab," a visibly ecstatic Adele told reporters outside her chemical facility in Manchester. "Some time away from the hustle and bustle of the superstar lifestyle was just what I needed to fulfill my dream."

According to the star's mother, Penny Adkins, Adele became fascinated with Greek Fire after reading the Chronicle of Theophanes the Confessor at the age of 11, and took up singing as a way to pay for the expensive lab equipment necessary to handle the complex naphtha and quicklime-based compounds believed to be part of the legendary mixture.

"I feel ... fulfilled, actually," Adele responded when asked about her next move, "I think I'll settle down, start a family. I don't really need the money anymore."

Music critic John Murphy, when asked for comment responded "Suddenly, that 'Set Fire to the Rain' track she released in July makes more goddamned sense."

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