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Feminist Win: We Wanted to Show These Men What Period Cramps Feel Like, But We Couldn’t Figure Out How, So Instead We Broke Their Kneecaps and Called It Even

Woman with two thumbs up
Kelly suggests leaving the hospital and continuing to do your job like your knees are not literally in shards!
Ladies, it’s no secret that period cramps suck. No matter how woke your boyfriend may seem, he will never truly understand the pain that we women have to face every single month. 

That is, until now! (Depending on how you define and equate pain!)

You heard right! We put our heads together, batted around some ideas, and showed a few men more or less what period cramps feel like by breaking their kneecaps with a crowbar. Feminist win!

The crowbar was not the first method we brainstormed that could recreate that feeling of Wolverine clawing up your insides. Actually, our first thought was to chemically or electrically induce the pain in the participants’ abdomens. But we soon realized we had no fucking clue how how to do that! Yikes! 

As resourceful girls, we began to cook up other options. Kelly proposed that we take the gluten-intolerant men and force them to slowly masticate the two loaves of stale Wonder Bread left in the office kitchen, but nobody was cruel enough to willfully let all those carbs go straight to their thighs.

We then got Carol, our brawniest pal, to sock the men right in their stomachs. But the resulting pain didn’t last long enough, and Carol's arm got tired. Our queen had to rest!

We were not about to let a bunch of pesky problems ruin our social experiment, so we retrieved the ol' crowbar from the trunk of Sharon's car. We can’t say we're proud of ourselves for gleefully swinging a metal crowbar into the knees of multiple well-meaning male adults and hearing the resulting crunch (ouch!), but that’s the price we're willing to pay for feminism! 

And, when you think about it, the initial excruciating pain of having your kneecaps shatter into a dozen little shards followed by a few long months of recovery isn’t all that different from those pesky cramps that we have to take Tylenol for, so we'd call it even. Nothing says “fuck the patriarchy” like long-term immobilization and a giant hospital bill. Make way for a post-gender world!

Next project: Verbally and psychologically abusing all the men we know until they hate their bodies, too!
© 2018