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Injustice Reigns: This Baby Got Three Names But Mr. Bean Only Got One

Mr. Bean!
Society has robbed this man of not one, but two, names.

It’s no secret that, at the present, America is incredibly divided.  However, a startling new claim makes it clear that the inequality in our country is somehow more rampant than one could have imagined.

According to the US Center for Nomenclature Inequality, a baby named Annie Marie Richardson (b. April 23, 2017) has not only one, but TWO first names. And hold on the the edges of your seats, folks. To make matters worse, she even has a THIRD family surname. When juxtaposed with the shocking truth that Mr. Bean, the world's favorite tweed-jacketed, word-scarce, naive hero, only got one name, it is clear that our country has its priorities completely out of whack. 

What a shame. 
To make matters even worse, further research has found that the number of Americans hogging the wealth with their luxurious name privilege has grown completely out of control. Jamie Lee Curtis? Chad Michael Murray? Jennifer Love Hewitt?? Lin Manuel Miranda?? Where does this high society draw the line? And who are they to declare themselves as holier than Mr. Bean? We, as a society, must push towards the redistribution of the name wealth. We aren't asking for much, just a simple donation of one of your gracious binomial names to share the wealth among the less fortunate and create a world where everyone is able to experience the joys of wearing two names. If not, it won't be long until the one-named proletariat will rise and wreak havoc on this unjust world. You have seen what Mr. Bean can do when left unsupervised.
This has been a wake-up call. We the people demand equality for Mr. Bean. 
© 2018