After centuries of scholarly analysis, art historians have concluded that Jesus' last meal was "less a simple supper and more an all-you-can-eat, Vegas-style gluttony fest."

Says Giacomo Cassola, "I don't know why we never noticed this before, but there's very obviously a chocolate fondue fountain visible in the background. It looks delicious. And those strawberries are just... to die for. You can tell Jesus agreed by the look in his eyes."

"Look at the tray of five bagels with lox in front of Peter. As we know from John 18:10, Peter is a big fan of lox. But five? There's no way he's going
to finish all of that. Matthew only has one lox bagel, but you can tell he wanted two. Little known fact, Matthew
is the Patron Saint of Lox. Peter probably took the last bits, and there's no way he's sharing, even if he's not going to eat it. Peter's one of those guys who asks for a doggy bag."

Cassola added, "I hate Peter." He also had a few words to describe da Vinci's
portrayal of Judas.

"Judas is just all together an example of a bad party guest. He's got his napkin tucked into his shirt like a bib. This is a mature event; there's no need for it to say 'Gotta love me, I'm the baby!' Jesus may have loved Judas... but he was in no way, shape, or form a baby. He was a grown man."

"That's the brilliance of da Vinci; he just takes a different angle, one you'd never expect. He isn't really an artist, just painting a scene here... He assumes a whole new identity, immersing himself completely in his subject matter. For example,
in the Mona Lisa, he became that obnoxious guy who takes your senior photo, and keeps telling you to tilt your head a bit more to the left and that your eyes should look a little more to the right, which is part of the reason the Mona Lisa is so magical and relatable."

Cassola's next project will include determining if Michaelangelo's David was supposed to actually mimic a Glamour
Shots session.