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LEAKED: Game of Thrones Spoilers

Any Thrones super-fan will be excited to see the new direction in which the show is going now that it's deviating from the books.

Beware, for this article is dark and full of spoilers! Ha, ha, get it? Satire V has obtained exclusive access to some key plot points of the sixth season of Game of Thrones. Here is just some of what this season has in store for Thrones viewers:

  1. Bernie Sanders breaks up the Iron Bank.
  2. Brienne of Tarth kills Saruman, restoring order to Middle-earth.
  3. A mumps outbreak in King's Landing kills 45 percent of the capital's population.
  4. King Tommen pressures the Night's Watch to admit wenches, too.
  5. Daffodils begin to bloom in the fields, the sun shines in a cloudless sky. It's springtime! Winter has passed!
  6. Sansa Stark becomes a new-age feminist and decides not to marry anyone.
  7. A severe fungal infection cripples one of Daenerys Targaryen's dragons for the entire season.
  8. Littlefinger is up to something again! Classic Littlefinger.
  9. After years of teasing the audience, we finally find out who Tyrion Lannister is.
  10. Hillary of House Clinton vanquishes all her enemies and seizes the Iron Throne. May she reign over the Seven Kingdoms for a thousand moons!
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