and entering

QUIZ: Should You Wake Up the Airline Passenger Next To You, Or Just Piss Your Pants?

Oh god... is it worth it?
After fighting your way through seemingly endless lines at baggage check and security, you’ve finally settled in for your flight home. You realize you have to pee, but you’re in the middle seat and the passenger in the aisle is fast asleep. 
Should you wake up the airline passenger next to you, or just piss your pants? Take this quiz to find out!
  1. How badly do you have to pee?
A) Just a little.
B) A whole lot. You pounded three liters of water at the last security checkpoint when TSA told you to empty your water bottles, so pretty fucking badly.
  1. Is the seatbelt sign on?
A) No. You’re at cruising altitude, and the captain says you’re free to move about the cabin.
B) Yes. It’s been a very turbulent ride, and the flight crew is asking that you remain seated. Every time the cabin shakes, you feel enormous pressure on your bladder. You are Atlas holding the weight of the entire world with your clenched pelvic floor muscles.
  1. Can you hold it?
A) Yes. It’s only a an hour-long flight anyways, but you’d feel more comfortable if you just relieved yourself now.
B) No. You’re 40 minutes into a 6 hour flight, and there’s no way your bladder is going to last that long. Your kidneys have been in overdrive since security, and your urethral sphincter muscles are one spasm away from unleashing a torrent of urine straight into your pants.
  1. Are you sure the passenger next to you is asleep?
A) No. They’ve been tossing and turning for a bit, so it’s unclear if you would even be waking them up.
B) Absolutely. Hotel For Dogs is playing on their screen, but they’ve been slouched over at a 90º angle since the beginning of the flight. It’s questionable if they’re even alive at this point.
  1. Do you have a crippling fear of confrontation?
A) No. You’ll just nudge the other passenger and they’ll move over to let you pass. No big deal.
B) Yes. You’d rather rupture your bladder and drown in your own pee than confront someone. The thought of inconveniencing this stranger is so appalling that you—a grown ass adult who hasn’t peed themselves since second grade—would prefer to sit in a pool of your own liquid waste than ask the passenger to move.
Mostly A’s: Looks like you should wake up the airline passenger next to you and make your way to the lavatory! You’re a mature adult capable of navigating simple social situations; asking someone to move with an easy “excuse me” is no big deal to you at all. You were probably the kind of kid who ordered for themselves at restaurants.
Mostly B’s: You’d be better off pissing your pants. Your family and friends are baffled that you’ve even made it this far in life being so non-confrontational. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and you are the dog that gets eaten.

About even: You could wake up the passenger next to you, but you’ll probably piss your pants before you make it to the lavatory anyways. It’s a lose-lose here, so you might as well remain seated, release your fatigued urethral sphincters, and bask in the warmth of your own bodily fluids.


Image Credit: The Telegraph

© 2018