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Researchers Find Best Time to Post a Profile Picture Is Never Because You Are Ugly

Dr. McArthur hard at work.

After two years of social media statistical analysis, scientists at the General Research Organization for Social Science (GROSS) have determined that the most effective time to post a profile picture on Facebook is never because you are ugly.  

The research lab was assembled after head investigator Dr. Lawrence Q. McArthur posted a fire selfie on Instagram, only to garner 34 likes over the course of 6 hours. Dr. McArthur realized that the problem was not the hour at which he posted the photo but the fact that his face resembles that of a dehydrated ferret.

“It really poses a fascinating sociological puzzle,” said co-lab leader Dr. Martha W. Rosen, who also looks like a flaming pile of garbage. “I once waited to post a profile picture until at least 70% of my friends were online, and I only got 44 likes, which is less than 8% of my friends list.”

The lab reached its first major breakthrough in November 2017, when Dr. Frederick F. Fineman, the Head Organizer of Technology (HOT), received over 200 likes on Facebook in just 45 minutes. Dr. Fineman’s fellow researchers were initially puzzled by the photo’s success since it was posted at 1:32 a.m. on a Tuesday. However, after conducting a thorough content-based analysis of his new profile picture, the lab concluded that the photo’s mass appeal was due to the fact that Dr. Fineman is a total snack.

“From a scientific perspective, it’s rare that you see such success in a natural experiment,” Dr. McArthur said. “But we couldn’t argue with the data. Dr. Fineman’s picture received 42 comments, 82% of which were just fire emojis.”

In the study’s post-mortem analysis, Dr. McArthur and Dr. Rosen noted that their respective failure rates were likely inflated due to the fact that they are both 4s out of 10, with Dr. Rosen capable of resembling a 5 in really good lighting.

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