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Scientist Claims Other Weapons Besides Shotgun Effective Against Zombies

In the discovery of the decade, Michael Fineman, some sort of scientist at UCLA, has released a press release stating that other weapons, besides shotguns are effective against zombies. Such weapons include atomic bombs, chlorine gas, AK-47's, and slingshots. Dr. Fineman however warns that only the latter will be effective in the zombie apocalypse that is likely to occur in coming decade.

Dr. Fineman states, "It was actually very easy to figure out. I set up a double-blind experiment involving zombie mice and regular mice as the control group. My students unable to distinguish between the regular mice and zombie mice used each of the listed weapons in addition to shotguns against both groups of mice, and found that all were effective against zombie mice. Interestingly, the slingshot didn't kill the regular mice, those sneaky critters!"

Not everyone is convinced. 9-11 Truth Dude, Antonio Rodriguez, also known as Ned, states, "I am not convinced. I think this Professor person is actually a zombie and is just trying to get everyone to lower their guard. I'm prepared. I have my garlic."

Additionally, other scientists are questioning Dr. Fineman's research methods. "He really should have used a triple-blind experiment design," states Yildizoglu Zorlu, a physicist and astrologist at Yale. "It is more scientifically rigorous."

Nonetheless, in event of zombie invasion, many Americans will be prepared with basic .357 Magnum shotguns. Dan Johnson, a police officer from Seven Lakes, Georgia, states, "I have ten. All of my friends have at least one. I didn't buy any ammo, but rounds are generally distributed in convenient locations. I think everyone is prepared except those liberal hippy Democrats. This will show them."

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