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Study Shows Most Effective Way to Reach God is Through Instagram Bio

The study found that this is a really effective way to get in touch with the Man Upstairs.

THE INTERNET — A comprehensive study by the Pew Research Institute reported Tuesday that the most effective way to communicate with God is by adding a psalm verse to the end of an Instagram bio.

The report investigated several modes of religious communication, including traditional praying, saying the Lord's name in vain, and staring forlornly at the sky. But Tim E. Harris, the lead analyst, stated the study found that only religious shout-outs on Instagram were directly linked to positive outcomes.

The results demonstrated that adding “Psalm 120:1 or “God has got it goin’ on” to a bio resulted in near-immediate wish fulfillment. Harris said, “God is just really tossin’ miracles out there for his Insta fans.”

To test the findings, the research team created an Instagram account and typed “Our Lord and Savior, please grant us statistical significance and more grant funding, Psalm 18:2.” Three hours later, the team received a DM from the Almighty himself (@thedivinemaker).

“We got our grant funding,” Harris said, “and he accepted our request for an interview because the Psalm was ‘a nice touch.’”

The Man Upstairs commented, “Dude, this social media stuff has been a godsend. I used to have to listen to all you dopes pray simultaneously in church. I am powerful, but Jesus Christ, there is a limit. Steve Jobs hooked me up with an iPhone X up here, and Instagram is way easier than listening to you mope about."

At press time, the team was uncertain how the recent Facebook data breach will affect God’s process. The Lord opined, “You know, Instagram is owned by Facebook, too. I might need to switch to Twitter.”

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