and entering

Tickle Monster Mauls Three-Year-Old

The lair of the tickle monster.

CLEVELAND, TN— An escaped and possibly feral tickle monster entered an area home on Monday, leaving one three-year-old in critical condition, and two other children with serious cases of the giggles.

The rampage began at approximately 7:15pm, when the monster emerged from its lair to discover the three children sitting quietly on the couch watching Sesame Street. Disguised as a mild-mannered father, the monster passed through the room unnoticed, before suddenly turning and snatching Sarah Markham, age three.   “I…I…I…Didya see dat? Didya? He…he…he just took her—he took her away,” explained older brother Henry Markham, five.

The monster, which looked remarkably similar to John Markham, father of three, reportedly “growled fiercely” as the helpless child writhed on the floor in pain, screaming for help. “After a few minutes, all I heard was silent wheezing,” said mother Helen Markham, who continued to wash dishes in the kitchen. “I just assumed it was John. I never suspected that there could be a tickle monster on the loose.”

She is currently being investigated for domestic neglect. Sarah, meanwhile, has been emergency “airplaned” to her bedroom, where she has not woken for the past seven hours.

The whereabouts of the tickle monster are still unknown, although it’s suspected that he is watching the Braves game.  

© 2012