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Woman Angry at Dipshit Boyfriend Who Won’t Oh Wait Just Kidding He Replied To Her Text

Woman staring at phone angrily
Lawson waits for her idiot boyfriend to respond

LOS ANGELES — As Kelly Lawson ferociously gulped down heaping spoonfuls of ice cream in a fit of blind feminine rage, her bitter diatribe about the heartlessness of men abruptly came to a halt Thursday night when her boyfriend finally replied to her carefully drafted text, causing her to immediately vindicate all faults of the male population that she had just painstakingly detailed for the past 12 minutes.

Lawson had sent her boyfriend Chad a text imbued with a calculated, imperceptible balance of passive-aggressiveness and cool disinterest, sources claim. A smug Lawson said, “I used all lowercase and put a period at the end of my text. This’ll fuckin annihilate any last traces of his manhood.”

As the minutes ticked by with no reply, Lawson told reporters she began to fume at Chad’s failure to desperately win her back with an outpouring of heart emojis and “wyd babe ilyyy” texts. Rumor has it that her hair began shedding at an accelerated rate as she waited, a common side effect of the silent treatment.

“He’s probably fucking some other girl, that bastard,” Lawson seethed, furiously cramming Oreos into her mouth like some half-starved waif. “Men are insensitive creatures, always taking, never—oh wait he replied. Aw, a kissing face emoji! Chad is sooo romantic.”

A mere two days later, Lawson was reported arguing with her boyfriend about his lack of consideration for her feelings after sending a “hey” with only one y instead of two or three.

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