SatireV

Breaking

and entering

18 Olympic Events That You Qualify for

Curling
Pushing (Back on That)

As the 2018 Olympic Games in PyeongChang wrap up, the world's finest athletes are already eyeing the 2020 Games in Tokyo and the 2022 Games in Beijing. Which sports could you compete in? You might just be an Olympic-level competitor in these 18 Olympic events:

  1. Netflix Marathon
  2. Ski Jumping to Conclusions
  3. Long-Distance Relationship (Running from)
  4. Boxing Leftovers
  5. Synchronized Scrolling Through Facebook
  6. Meme Tagging Relay
  7. Deep Diving in Obscure YouTube Playlists
  8. Men’s Singles (Speed Swiping Right on Tinder)
  9. Women’s Singles (Speed Swiping Left on Tinder)
  10. Curling Up in a Ball and Crying
  11. Weightlifting: Group Project Edition
  12. Freestyle Writing
  13. Speedwalking Past Tourists
  14. Pulling a Double Cork Grab in the Halfpipe, Finishing with a 180-degree Switch on Your Datamatch Date After the Free Food
  15. Mental Gymnastics (Section)
  16. Pairs Skating: Thesis and Deadline
  17. Jumping through Hoops (Job Hunt)
  18. Skeleton (Post-Midterms)
© 2018
Category: