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Another Eccentric White Man Initiated into the Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon building, home to a local group of mostly sullen white men.

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Yet another eccentric white man was initiated into the Harvard Lampoon this weekend, bringing the total number of brooding, fair-skinned males in the humor publication to Too Fucking Many.

Alex Marks IV '20, one of several Caucasian male initiates, discovered that he got into the Lampoon after members stormed his dorm this week. Marks is an English concentrator whose hobbies include posting bizarre photos on Facebook, secluding himself at parties, and making his presence slightly uncomfortable to everyone in his close vicinity. He is involved in a Harvard improv troupe, whose diverse members have ancestors from England, Sweden, and even Poland. 

Marks has prepared for his membership by hosting his own tense, secret lunches in Adams and blasting early 2000s pop music from his room at ungodly hours of the night. He has practiced taking cryptic disposables of himself at the Lampoon, which will become the location of every single one of his pictures until he graduates. 

Friends call Marks "a nice guy," and are certain that he will become even nicer after a week of psychological torture in the Lampoon castle. "I can't wait for him to glower at me from the Lampoon steps as I walk down Mount Auburn," said Anna Shang '20. 

Some are optimistic that he'll use his privileged position to inspire change. "Maybe he’ll start a productive conversation within the Lampoon that causes them to critically assess their own practices,” said Katherine Wu '20, a female comedy writer who was rejected several times from the publication for her failure to write in their hyper-specific New England male style. 

"More likely though, he'll become so obsessed with his own advancement in the club that he'll do nothing at all!" she added. 

When asked about the Lampoon's gender imbalance, Marks made blithe a reference to their president. "Obviously, it's huge that our president is an Asian woman," he said before choking on smoke from his cigarette. "As we saw with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, there's no way a group that elected a person from an underrepresented demographic could have any problems with race or gender." 

"Also, our gender ratio is almost 50-50," he remarked, intentionally obscuring the difference between the art and literature boards. 

At press time, Marks was preparing his application to write for Saturday Night Live. 


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