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Area Birdwatcher “Disappointed” by Owl Club Initiation

Armed with his binoculars, Wadsworth could see his name being removed from the punch list by two dudes in the corner.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – An area birdwatcher was reportedly “disappointed” by this past Thursday’s Owl Club initiation, citing their profound lack of owls as his main complaint. The disappointment concludes what had already been a stressful punch process for the forty-year-old avian enthusiast, who has since dropped the club after learning that middle-aged birdwatchers are not its primary demographic.

“I should have realized by the outing,” the birdwatcher Tom P. Wadsworth recalled. “I mean we didn’t see a single owl there. Not one! No barn owls, no true owls, no northern white-faced owls, or southern white-faced owls. Although I guess there were a lot of white-faced Owls in attendance…” he trailed off to remember the debauchery. “When everyone got so drunk, I just assumed they were disappointed too.”

Club parties proved another source of confusion. Once, Wadsworth perked up at the familiar ‘who-who’ only to hear a ‘do you know here’ calling after it. Other punches were “lukewarm” on his idea to hold a pellet dissection at final dinner. The birds he was promised at a BU sorority mixer turned out not to be birds at all.

“You might ask how he ever made it this far, but honestly, Wadsworth was the perfect punch,” said Punchmaster James L. Raider. “Everyone else always seemed so nervous, but he’d just stroll right up and start talking about chicks. That guy loves chicks. How could we have known he was just some confused lover of birds?”

“And here I thought he was the coolest guy,” commented fellow initiate Samuel Darby. “This man showed up to coat-and-tie events in a cargo vest and safari hat like he didn’t give a fuck. He brought binoculars to every party and just stared up out the window like the Great Gatsby or something. I guess the truth really puts that behavior in context.”

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