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Area Email List Member Shocked to Discover Action Not Actually Required

action required
this is absolutely required please fill this out

Area email list member Peter Anderson was astonished upon learning that action is not actually required on the thirteenth Google Form he was sent through the student organization email list he joined accidentally as a first-year.

Upon receiving an email asking for his RSVP to the student organization’s next social, Anderson reportedly continued to put off the responsibility until it was too late – the deadline had passed before he could respond with a ‘No’.

“I was devastated,” Anderson said. “I had no idea what the repercussions were, but I’m an independent thinker; I make my own decisions and never let anybody boss me around. So I chose for myself that if an email subject line tells me an action is required, I’d be an absolute moron not to take that action.”

Anderson immediately reached out over the email list, apologizing profusely for his failure to RSVP. Upon learning from a club representative that he was off the hook, Anderson entered a state of complete disbelief and contemplated the meaning behind his life.

“I couldn’t, and still can’t, comprehend that the action was not required,” Anderson confessed. “I mean, that would imply that whoever sent that email – well, I don’t want to make accusations but – I guess I would have to say that they lied. And at an honorable, decorated institution like Harvard with such a profoundly moral and ethical history, I couldn’t believe that this was happening.”

Jennifer Clarkson, a spokesperson for the student organization behind the email list, said that although action was not actually required on the RSVP, the club was somewhat disappointed in Anderson’s actions (or lack thereof).

“Obviously, we reassured Peter that we didn’t really need his RSVP, but it was inappropriate for him to treat us with such disrespect,” Clarkson said. “When our email writers go all-out caps lock and hit the list with an [ACTION REQUIRED], we assume recipients understand that shit’s about to go down. Peter failed to comprehend that, and we will be taking the necessary next steps.”

Although he has now recovered from this incident, Anderson is reportedly now in another state of shock upon hearing that the Canadian prince he’d been contacting over the last year was actually a guy named Joe in Tallahassee who just stole all of Anderson’s life savings. 

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