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Area Freshman Writes "Get a Girlfriend" Really Small on Semester To-Do List

Carlson, seen here attempting to compress his handwriting into a sufficiently tiny, homogenous blob of ink
CAMBRIDGE, MA – After meeting with his Freshman Academic Advisor who told him that goal-setting was a great way to keep track of things that are important for personal success, area freshman Andrew Carlson '20 wrote "get a girlfriend" in very small print on his semester to-do list. After careful consideration, he chose to make the almost incomprehensible etchings just big enough that he would remember to do it, but small enough that nobody would notice it if his notebook fell out of his backpack or if he opened it to the wrong page in class.
The minuscule letters appeared to be jammed between two other semester goals, which read, "Figure out what a Pfoho is" and "Get an A in Expos 20". These items on the list were written in appropriately-sized letters that filled the entire space between the lines of the notebook – unlike the phrase "Get a girlfriend", which was written in letters less than a quarter of the size. Sources say that Carlson reasoned that since getting a girlfriend was very important to him but definitely not important at all if anyone asked, he would add it to the list but make sure to write it in nearly illegible scribbles.
Reportedly, Carlson's academic advisor also recommended that he come up with specific steps to work towards his semester goals. Therefore, Carlson decided to lay out a plan for getting a girlfriend in a word document labeled "study guide" on his computer. The several step plan included studying in the common room in his crush's dorm "because he liked the light in there" and hanging around after her LS1b lecture "just to check out that cool mural in the Science Center."
At press time, Carlson's roommates where spotted rolling their eyes while he told them he "was really happy being single right now" while frantically looking around for his crush in the dining hall.
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